Bus to Bangkok from Chiang Mai, Thailand

I have to say that the bus ride back to Bangkok made for the single worst sleeping experience of my life.  Let me back up and start from the beginning.  Knowing the trains were out of the question for our trip back to Bangkok (and how I lamented not booking our flight to China to leave from Chiang Mai) and a plane ride seemed sort of egregious for the short hop from Chiang Mai to Bangkok (which, looking back, was not egregious at ALL), we decided to take a sleeper bus to Bangkok. 

We purchased the tickets a few days early when an errand took us nearby the train station.  On entering the terminal, there’s a large section in green to the left with a few windows and a fancy ticket queuing system.  On the right is a series of about 20 windows, all with bored-looking ladies leaning out of them eyeing each passing person with sharp eyes ready to pounce.  I shepherded Rick towards the left.  It seemed safer.  Didn’t matter.  We waited for 10 minutes and then was promptly informed that they didn’t sell any bus tickets to Bangkok.  The woman pointed towards the scary ladies.  Resigned to our fate, we shuffled over.  Rick came up with the smart idea of trying 10 of the windows to compare prices and amenities.  It worked.  We ended up booking a VIP bus with a steep discount of 563 Baht per person.  VIP meant TV, food, bathroom, and less crowding. 

We arrived early to the train station on the date of departure.  Staking out 2 chairs, we waited, me with a book, Rick with the games on his Tablet.  At one point a stately piece of music came over the loudspeakers.  I looked up in order to point it out to Rick, only to find that every person in the entire station, and a couple dogs, had risen to their feet, all facing the same direction.  We hurriedly stood.  When the music ended, everyone plopped back into their seats as if nothing had happened.  I still have no idea what that was for, but it was the only thing of note during our whole wait. 

We boarded our bus, greeted by a lovely Thai lady in a turquoise uniform.  Rick and I still differ as to whether she was a lady-boy (and the fact that we differed says a lot about the quality of transgendered in Thailand), but nevertheless, she was sweet and friendly.  The bus started on time, soon after we were settled in with our bright pink blankets and neck pillows. 

That’s when everything started snowballing downhill.  The man on the other side of the aisle from us divested himself of all footwear, sticking a large bare foot up on the windowsill.  He whipped out a cell phone and proceeded to alternately chat loudly on it and chew on his snacks at an even louder volume.  The movie clicked on in the front of the bus, a dubbed Val Kilmer movie with explosions and gunshots.  It was amusing for the first ten minutes to make up the dialogue for the actors, but movies are a bit boring to watch when nothing is understandable.  Boxes of wafers and cups of soda were passed out, the highlight of our entire trip.  We quickly dropped to sleep soon after, but the air conditioning was on full blast and the seats weren’t the most comfortable to sleep on.  I kept waking up every ten minutes, then passing out again because of pure exhaustion.  Our wake-up music was pleasant at first, until twenty minutes later when we realized that the same song had been playing over and over.  By the time we exited the Mo Chit bus station, we were exhausted, sore, cranky, and immediately ambushed by overeager taxi drivers. 

We decided to walk to the Mo Chit BRT station instead, figuring that if we just cut through Chatuchak Park, it should be simple and save us a chunk of change.  That is, until we realized we had to walk approximately half a mile just to find a little opening into the park through an out-of-the-way parking lot.  Then, we re-realized the huge extent of Chatuchak Park, garnering tons of stares from passing joggers and bikers as we pulled our luggage through grass and mud.  Adding insult to injury, it started pouring rain.  We waited out the worst of the rain huddled against the fence under the sparse cover of a tree.  Another half mile lay before us once we exited the park, along with 4 flights of stairs leading to street overpasses which we had to manually lug our bags up and down.  All told, it took us about 4 hours to finally make it just to the Mo Chi BRT station. So, yeah, probably should’ve gone with the overeager taxi drivers. 

By the time we finally arrived at the airport, facing the prospect of sleeping overnight on some uncomfortable chairs, I turned beseeching eyes on Rick and convinced him to splurge on a one-night stay at the swank airport hotel nearby. 

So. Worth.  It. 

Takeaway Lesson: Sometimes, my friends, you just have to spend the money to save your sanity.  That’s what a credit card is for.  Learn from our experience.